Avril (2007)

In 7 words or less: Young nun discovers life outside the convent.

What's it all About? Abandoned at birth and raised by a strict order of nuns, Avril is a young novice who has rarely seen the outside world, believing it to be full of fear and sin. 

Prior to taking her final vows, she is given the chance to escape for 2 weeks and experience life outside the convent walls. Cue a road trip with a handsome stranger, a long lost twin brother and a whole lot of self discovery... in print the story line may sound a touch cheesy but in truth it is a beautifully handled gem of a film, quiet, gently paced and very french.

Best bits? There are many tender moments such as Avril learning to swim, the guys teaching her to sing or seeing her dance for the first time but my favourite has to be when she returns to the convent with a new found confidence and faces the truly scary mother superior.. uh oh! 

Did it make you think thoughts? Yes, Im thinking that after watching Avril, the terrifying Magdalene Sisters and the eerie Black Narcissus that most nuns on film are no fun at all... if only they had Whoopi with her band of singing sisters to cheer the place up....

  I also kept thinking "who is that actor? and her? I really recognise him, ohhh yes from all those other wonderful french films... so why don't I know their names?" This made me think.

Would you watch it again? Absolutely, it's a really lovely film and I already want to watch it again.

Rating (out of 100%): 87% It's one I'd highly recommend, in fact I'll be buying a copy of my very own. 

The Ides Of March (2011)

In 7 words or less: On the campaign trail with Cloontang!

What's it all About? Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney) is on the campaign circuit for a Democratic Primary. It all seems to boil down to who wins the state of Ohio, it's a critical state to win and ultimately whoever wins in Ohio wins the whole shabang and will go on to run for President. Stephen Meyers (Ryan Gosling) is the Governors second in command after Paul Zara (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and the story revolves around the twist and turns of a campaign trail. Lot's of double crossing, side switching, scandals and men sitting around talking about politics. Paul Giamatti pops up too which is always great!

Best bits? Ryan Gosling is flavour of the month at the moment and in my opinion rightly so. He's seriously awesome in this. He clearly believes in the campaign but is young and naive and ultimately gets dragged into the trenches of American politics. The choices he makes in the film never seem whimsical and he conveys his thought process on screen insanely well, he clearly got into the mindset of his character. Great performance.

Did it make you think thoughts? I really enjoyed this film. It's had mixed reviews, some have said 'if you don't have an understanding of American politics then don't bother watching it?!' I'm sorry but that is garbage, it's extremely easy to follow and constantly engaging, for me the politics in this movie is the backdrop to some fantastic characters. I don't mind lots of people sitting around talking in films as long as the script is good, thankfully in this the script is amazing, there's some really juicy dialogue for all of these great actors to chew on!

Would you watch it again? For sure. Big fan. 

Rating (out of 100%): 85% Great stuff from Clooney, proving he's not only got the acting chops but the directing ones to boot. Bravo! 

The Thing (2011)

In 7 words or less: outer space thingy kills in the snow

What's it all About? This is a prequel to the excellent 1982 John Carpenter film of the same name. It basically tells the story of a Antarctic based Norwegian scientific research team who discover an alien spacecraft buried under the snow. They also find, frozen in a block of ice, a mysterious creature. oooooo. It then turns into a snow-based slasher flick.



Best bits? It looks cold. I mean really cold. The film makers did a good job of conveying the setting and I actually put on another layer of clothing while watching.

Did it make you think thoughts? Sure did. The Johnny Carps original Thing flick (although having said that, his was actually a remake of the 1951 version) is a classic. This 2011 incarnation is not. First of all we have an almost exact replica of Carpenter's film. They find the monster, the monster escapes, they work out what the monster is doing and they even devise a test to tell who is who really amongst the cabin-fever exuding scientists. It's all well and good making a homage pic, unless you're Gus Van Sant and you remake Psycho shot for shot, but this isn't a remake. It's a prequel for heavens sake. Why would you make it exactly the same?

As with all horror/slasher films we get the usual tact of people going off alone despite the fact that that 1 minute earlier they all agree to 'stick together'. Fools. The lead female (Winstead) who was excellent in Scott Pilgrim is seriously miscast here and stumbles and bumbles through her supposedly graduate scientist role. Of bigger concern though is the fact that I was bamboozled by the actual abilities of the creature. They didn't seem to match was happened the 1982 (sequel) film. Hhhmm, confusing.

Would you watch it again? Why would I watch this when I can revel in Kurt Russell's sublime portrayal of R.J MacReady in John Carpenters classic?

Rating (out of 100%): Don't bother is my advice. A wasted opportunity rating of 40%

Morning Glory (2010)

In 7 words or less: Grumpy Harry Ford reads the news

What's it all About? Young tv producer Becky (Rachel McAdams) gets fired and finds employment at the downward-sliding morning tv show 'Daybreak'. In an attempt to boost viewing figures she employs the prickly multi award winning reporter Mike Pomeroy (Ford).

Best bits? Harry Ford is ace as grumpy 'serious' reporter who refuses to make nice.

Did it make you think thoughts? Listen, every actor at some point in their careers makes a bad movie. Okay, so Mr Ford has had quite a few clunkers recently including, Hollywood Homicide, K19: The Widowmaker, Six Days Seven Nights and of course the detestable Kingdom of the Crystall Skull. However, if your resume includes playing the roles of Rick Deckard, Indiana Jones and Han Solo it can't all be bad.....can it. Well yes and no. At times Ford is great as the award winning reporter who just can't bring himself to 'blend-in' and make happy families with the rest of the tv show crew. Unfortunately at other times it does seem a little forced as though everyone is trying just a little to hard. The love story feels bolted on and serves no real purpose other than to let us see Rachel McAdams in her knickers (Miss McAdams is gorgeous in this film and has catapulted herself into The Chief's top 5 female actressess he'd like to spend an evening with. Much to her delight I'm sure). Overall it's a bit of a mess but a cheerful mess at least.

Would you watch it again? Probably not....maybe on a future xmas tv blast

Rating (out of 100%): Essentially this is a happy-go-lucky tale that has proliferated modern cinema for countless generations and like the majority of these chuck-away-after-watching films this is chuck-away-after-watching material. I give this an enjoyable while it lasted 65%

King Kong (2005)

In 7 words or less: A gigantic ape fancies a lady human.

What's it all About? What? King Kong? Oh, if I must Slumpy, you really are a cruel mistress. The story starts in 1930s New York with a struggling actress (Naomi Watts) trying to break into Manhattan's vibrant theatre scene. Feeling a little depressed, she decides to cheer herself up by dallying in some apple thievery, poor thing was hungry is all. Enter Carl Denham (Jack Black), a highly ambitious film maker who's stumbled upon a secret map explaining the whereabouts of a certain 'Skull Island'. "I'll buy that apple" he says, "now get on this bloody great boat, we're going to Skull Island to make a movie, chop chop!" So everybody sails off into the night, on their way to what sounds like, a fabulous holiday destination, boasting excellent facilities, breathtaking vistas and not a whiff of any grumpy gorillas. Everything seems fine at first, the natives get a bit restless and do some nasty murders but on the whole 'Skull Island' ticks all the boxes. Say what?!?! A giant bloody Gorilla kidnaps Naomi Watts and falls madly in love with her? Dinosaurs? A stampede? Well I never! As long as everyone makes it back to New York for a big old Gorilla hunt and a dash of iceskating, I'm fine with all of that. They do? Fantastic.

Best bits? Let's just make this clear, you don't just whack on Peter Jackson's King Kong willy nilly, you can't say 'it's getting late, shall we put this on?' This is a real 'Right, get the bloody duvet down, we're going to watch King Kong.' If you're like me, you'll get so cozy that you'll probably fall asleep before they make it to the island and have to finish watching it the following evening! But that in itself is one of my favourite things about this movie, an endearing quality if you like, it's a throw back to yesteryear, a vast sprawling epic that takes you on an grand journey to strange, distant lands.

The first hour of this movie is really exciting, Peter Jackson is patient when exploring the exposition of his characters, you know where the film is going but the 'how' and the journey is really interesting. The recreation of 1930s New York is remarkably vivid in the opening scenes, a touch on the 'CG pastelly' side but still really convincing. I think Jack Black's performance in this film is fantastic and demonstrates a seriously shrewd piece of casting on Jackson's part. It's really refreshing to see him reigned in and attempting something different, rather than the usual 'Jack Black Experience' we're all accustomed to. At times, he is really sinister and dark, never wavering or faltering from his mad obsession to finish his picture, and not caring if it comes at the expense of the lives of those around him.

As far as Kong goes, he's pretty awesome, not a photo real creation but I don't think that was ever the intention. The whole film is graded to give it a certain 'reminiscent' feel, a byproduct of that is that nothing looks particularly 'real worldy', however, everything does look like it belongs from the same realm within the parameters set by the film. They do a great job of making everything feel familiar, and what could have been cumbersome transitions between cities, skull islands, giant apes, dinosaurs and crazy killer natives, remarkably, end up not feeling clunky in the slightest.

One scene really sticks in my mind, it's the bit where 'Large Nose' (Adrian Brody) and the gang are held up in a ravine being attacked by giant insects without an ape in sight. The booming score get's reduced to a single, ominous tone, it acts as a dramatic backdrop to this brilliant, terrifying scene. You really feel like everyones going to slowly die and that the film might just end on this really odd note. It's very unnerving.



Did it make you think thoughts? I think, on the whole, this is a really good film that requires specific conditions to get the most out of it. I remember seeing it at the cinema around Christmas time and thinking 'wow, what a great ride that was.' It's very long, and yes, there's a massive gorilla in it, but I think it does enough to keep you invested until the final scene. You could criticise some of the set pieces for being a little over thought and perhaps a touch audacious at times, but they are what they are and if nothing, they're always interesting to watch. I reckon the best way to look at this film is by imagining how bad it could have been. Lets face it, the process of making a film like this is a seriously tough task and one that most people would make a total mess of. I think Peter Jackson really nailed the subject matter and made me enjoy a character (King Kong) that previously I had absolutely zero interest in.

Would you watch it again? Oh yes! When winter sets in, when the wind and rain are howling at your window, when you have 3 hours to kill, snuggle up under a blanket and go on an 'old time' adventure!

Rating (out of 100%): I give King Kong a whopping great 89% Now let's all watch a massive gorilla take a young lady iceskating in Central Park.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

In 7 words or less: Adultery taking place before your eyes.

What's it all About? Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Bradley Pitts & Angelina Jolie) are experiencing a rocky patch in their marriage, on the service it looks like your usual Hollywood depiction of the suburban marital nest, there's the bastard mansion house that looks like a magazine cover, designer clothes, (presumably) six figure salaries flying around all over the place and behind all of this 'normal living' you have two people undergoing marriage counselling who argue about the same things as everyone else, you get the picture, they're average Joe's like you and me! Unbeknown to each other they both work for rival spy/assassination agencies, can you imagine what happens when they both get assigned to the same hit??? Mainly guns and sexual tension.

Best bits? The onscreen chemistry between Pitt and Jolie is pretty wild in this movie, it's (apparently) the film where they got the hots for each other and it shows in every scene, basically two people flirting for 2 hours. It definitely makes for a more engaging watch than a movie like this would traditionally serve up, although I don't suppose Jennifer Aniston (Brad's squeeze at the time of shooting) is too jazzed about it all, I'd be surprised if this made it onto her yearly rotation of 'films you can watch again and again'

picture taken 2 seconds after Mr. & Mrs. Smith was released

There's some subtle laughs to be had here as well as some novel action set pieces that will induce wild levels of popcorn consumption, it's actually pretty slick in its design, all of this does just enough to elevate it above the usual 'sausage factory' fodder that spews forth every year.

Did it make you think thoughts? It's all pretty farcical and becomes less interesting when the characters find out their significant others occupation. Why are there rival spy agencies operating in and (presumably) protecting America that hate each other so much? I don't get their beef! Also, an endless stream of chumps dressed in black from a faceless agency does get a bit tiresome after a while, kind of feels like Brangelina are playing an arcade shoot 'em up game towards the end. However, It's best not to ask too many questions in a film like this, you're in trouble if you do. Definitely not for the 'hang on, how did the characters get there in 2 minutes? That's a 30 minute drive!' crowd.

Would you watch it again? Yeah, probably. It's a romposaurus of sorts.

Rating (out of 100%): 70% If you're gonna do 'dirge' do it to this standard.