Jaws (1975)

 So, like any sane person, I decided I had to go see the re-release of Jaws at the cineplex. Man was it worth it. (that's a statement not a question by the way)

In 7 words or less: You're gonna need a bigger boat



What's it all About? Amity Island. A small American East Coast resort. A sleepy town with only minor problems like the local school kids karate chopping picket fences. That all changes though when a young girl is found dead on a beach. Police Chief Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) suspects it wasn't a boating accident and calls in oceanographer Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) who confirms his fears that there is a rogue shark on the loose. As the panic builds and another child falls victim of our deadly water bound foe, the third piece of our mega trio is introduced. Quint (Richard Shaw) is a sharking veteran and, for a price, agrees to captain a boat and engage in a hunt and kill operation. 



Best bits? This film is literally 2hr 4mins of best bits. If I'm forced to pick I'll go with the scene on the boat where Quint and Hooper are trading war wounds. It's ace but it cranks up a notch when Quint tells the story of the USS Indianapolis, the ship that delivered the Hiroshima bomb. Moving, potent, engaging and spellbinding. One of the best monologues in movie history. (Interestingly, fellow Slump reviewer Booka T claims he can do a mean Quint impression but whenever I hear it he strays into a strong west country accent. Not great)

The scene where Brody and his sprog are at the dinner table and everything The Chief does, his kid copies. A poignant moment with Brody an almost broken man at his wits end. 



The bit where Brody, Hopper and the Mayor are discussing the prospect of closing the beaches right in front of a 'Welcome to Amity', sign that has been defaced with a shark fin, is heated, funny and thought provoking.


There are many more and I don't want to do them a disservice by not mentioning them so instead I'm just going to watch the entire film again and you should too.

Did it make you think thoughts? I challenge you to find a film with three performances as good as these. The three central characters/performances are so spot on it defies believe. Chief Brody who is afraid of water yet attempts to overcome this and displays an unrelenting desire and need to do the right thing.  Oceonographer Matt Hooper who, once he gets a glimpse of the scale of the issue at hand, throws himself in head first. Quint, the salty seadog, a mercenary for hire who is a perfect Ishmael hunting his own personal Moby Dick. 




I'd also like to give a big shout out to Murray Hamilton who plays Mayor Larry Vaughn. He may not be a big star but he steals every scene he's in. He is just as driven as the others but his passion comes from his desire to make sure the beaches stay open and the tourists spend their cash. He'll do anything to achieve this goal and it's not until there's a shark attack and he utters the words, 'my kids were on that beach', that he slumps into a state of futility and resignation. Great stuff. 

As far as special effects go, the fact the mechanical shark (Bruce) suffered untold faults and meant it's screentime was limited actually makes the film better. It allows Spielberg et al to tell a fantastic, intriguing story with the need for endless action and thrills. 



There were a couple of enhanced dialogue scenes in this re-release notably when The Orca is leaving the harbour and right at the end by Chief Brody Not sure if they were needed though. Also the shark footage when Hooper is in the cage has been touched up and looks much better.  

Would you watch it again? Are you kidding me. I watch this at least three times a year.

'Watch this or I'm coming to get ya'

Rating (out of 100%): This was the film that invented the summer blockbuster and we all owe everyone involved a debt of gratitude. This really is a film of two halves. The first half is the better of the two and gets 98 with the second half getting 96 for an overall score of 97%

Miami Vice (2006)

In 7 words or less: Crockett and Tubbs get all contemporary

What's it all About? Although based on the groundbreaking (Michael Mann produced) 80s TV show, Miami Vice shares little with its formerly televised counterpart. Yes, the names are the same and they still hoon around Miami in a Ferrari but that's really where the similarities end. This is a meticulous, incredibly detailed look at two undercover cops posing as transportation experts for the Miami drug trade. 

Best bits? This film was shot on high-definition digital video. Although controversial, I really enjoy digital cinematography and see it as simply another medium, not a replacement/substitute for film; just something different. I absolutely love its use within Miami Vice; it completely fits Mann's stylised, edgy vision and immerses you deeply in the experience. The contrast it gives you between day and night is glorious - the day scenes pop with insane colour and detail and the night shots are my idea of cinematography heaven! 

I love the fast paced, no hanging around and functional aspects of this film. The dialogue is serious, unforgiving and features a lot of technical jargon. This only adds to what Mann is trying to do with this film. You have to concentrate to understand the beats and storyline therefore making it a really immersive ride.

To untrained, lazy blockbuster glazed eyes, the relationship between the two leads (Farrell and Foxx) might seem shallow and somewhat unexplored, but to me their unspoken story is the glue that keeps the whole thing from falling apart. These are real people, operating in a real world, they don't continually high five and tell each other how they feel.

One of my favourite scenes is when Crocket takes Isabella to Cuba for a Mojito in the 'go fast' boat. Incredible!

Did it make you think thoughts? This film received mixed reviews when released and I can totally see why. It's an acquired taste both visually and in the design of its narrative. In my opinion Miami Vice is a big budget film that's been allowed the freedom to creatively experiment.

Whilst Miami Vice never reaches the dizzying heights of other Mann films, it none the less remains a really artistically interesting addition to his locker. I absolutely love it.

Would you watch it again? Definitely. I like to get my Vice on at least once a year.

Rating (out of 100%): 90% Visually inspiring, engaging, intelligent cinema for grown ups.

Scarface (1983)

In 7 words or less: The rise and fall of Tony Montana

What's it all About? It's 1980 when Tony Montana arrives in Miami. He's one of 125,000 Cuban refugees sent over to the United States by Fidel Castro and 'wants what's coming to him, the whole world and everything in it'. What proceeds is a man climbing all the way to the top of Miami's drug infested underworld. But how long can it last?

Best bits? The motel scene on South Beach is still to this day one of my all time favourite cinema moments. It's shocking, scary, funny and numbingly gripping from start to finish and pretty much spawned a generation of directors that make entire films based on this microcosm. 

I just don't see how this can end well

Everyone by now knows I'm a total sucker for neon drenched night scenes and visceral cityscape cinematography. This film has it by the bucket load and it's of the highest caliber. The sets and locations are such an important character in this movie, they give every scene an extra potency, reinforcing the dialogue with the desired emotion or notion. I think the interior of Tony's mansion demonstrates this perfectly. 

Too much?

All of Montana's dialogue is amazing and stems from a great Oliver Stone script. Shame it gets over quoted by morons though! "Say hello to my little friend!" Oh god.... 

Any scenes at the deliciously 80s Babylon club are a highlight too. I want to go to that place! The dancing is hilarious! Talking of clubs, the music and score for Scarface are absolutely perfect.

Did it make you think thoughts? The style and structure for this film is immense. It plays more like an opera than a conventional film. You get filler scenes and little skits that slowly build up to these huge, powerful, operatic moments that signify the closing of a chapter and the start of another. Really gripping stuff.

Watching Scarface really reminds me of playing GTA Vice City (which obviously drew a lot from this film). So much of the first act is Tony driving around completing various missions for people. The operatic talky bits almost feel like the cut scenes you're rewarded with after completing a level! I understand that Scarface started this kind of narrative concept in computer games but it really is strange when you watch it now.

Would you watch it again? Totally. 

Rating (out of 100%): 91% An incredibly powerful, mesmerising, perfectly executed performance from Al Pacino (that in no way has diminished or aged with time) makes this an absolute must watch! Bravo to all involved!

Layer Cake (2004)

In 7 words or less: Crims, coke, pills, guns and tracksuits

What's it all About? A London drug dealer decides that on completion of his next big deal he is going to get out of the business. Unfortunately things get complicated and he gets dragged into the ruthless underworld of a drugs heist gone wrong.

This does not appear

Best bits? The chemistry between the main protagonists is sharp and believable and Michael Gambon is on great pre wizard form. As far as individual scenes go, the one that has the cafe stuff inter-spliced with the construction yard is both brutal and intriguing. 

'Where's my bloody wand?'

Did it make you think thoughts? I'm a big fan of gangster/crime films. I should clarify that statement. Anything set in the US during prohibition, yes. Anything with Cagney, Bogart or Pacino, yes. Stylish crime thrillers like Heat, yes. British gangster/crime films from the last 20 years, no. Lock Stock, Rocknrolla and all those other cockney crapfests are not for me which may have you wondering why I cranked up a cheese toastie, grabbed a Dr Pepper, plonked myself on the sofa and proceeded to give this a go. The fact is, I had been at my buddy Ben's (fellow Slumpy) barbeque and he mentioned he had seen this last week and quite liked it. Now, being a slack jaw like he is, he failed to pop up a review so it looks like it's been left to yours truly. 

They couldn't find the ironing board

Essentially what we have here is all the standard stuff you find in these kind of films. A boat load of characters, multiple plots threads that are at times hard to follow, way more twists and turns than are necessary, and a smattering of humour to go alongside the violence.

I'm not normally a Daniel Craig fan (worst Bond ever) and at the start he really grates with his stupid voice and boring stoney face. The thing is, as the film went on, his performance grew on me a bit. The pace of the film helps in that it all moves along at a good clip although that does mean you really need to pay attention to who's who. 

Would you watch it again? I'm in no great rush to watch it again but it didn't offend me so maybe in a couple of years time I'll give it another go.

Rating (out of 100%): The big advantage this has over other recent Brit crime capers is that it doesn't try to be too clever or smug or be too pretentious with flashy camera work and effects (apart from the end which seems tacked on for no particular reason). I give Layer Cake a battenburgish 67%

Aeon Flux (2005)

In 7 words or less: The future makes no sense.....at all

What's it all About? I honestly have no idea. With that in mind I'll just use IMDB's summary. 'Aeon Flux is a mysterious assassin working for the Monicans, a group of rebels trying to overthrow the government. When she is sent on a mission to kill the Chairman, a whole new mystery is found.' Hhmm, it really wasn't that simple when I watched it that's for sure.

Best bits? Pass

There's something in your eye

Did it make you think thoughts? Yeah, the main one being I that I was sure the detestable Cutthroat Island would be the worst film I watched this year. How wrong I was. Look, I like a good sci-fi flick but this was just a mash up of futuristic hoodoo wrapped up in a cheap suit of conspiracy tales and mind numbing confusion. I think it was trying to be surreal, prophetic and action packed all at the same time. Trying to clever in other words. All it did though was make me scratch my head (not because I have head lice) and consider the meetings where execs and producers thought, 'This will be great'. I'm sure that can't have happened. It also features another stellar piece of miscasting for the usually delicious Charlize Theron.

Oh yeah, there's a woman with hands for feet. Go figure.

This is what they wear in the future don't you know

Would you watch it again? Thrice time no

Rating (out of 100%): If you're a bad film, chances are I will watch you and maybe even like you for your rubbishness. If you're a bad film that makes no sense, you're doomed for a low Slumpy score. With that in mind I give Aeon Flux a dismal 4%

American Reunion (2012)

In 7 words or less: Chronic masturbators and sex-pests grow up.

What's it all About? It's thirteen years since the original American Pie (in the story and in the realm of the real world) and most of the original cast are back together to go to their high-school reunion. Things have changed however, some of the group have achieved celebrity, parenthood or absolutely nothing. But one thing seems to be universal. They are all disappointed with how things are going. Oh... Jim still can't resist touching himself though.

Musical Love

Best bits? There are lots of laughs here! Just let yourself go! If you resist the sillyness, it will find you! Stand out scenes include; When Heather's new goon boyfriend pops on a DVD of Ostreicher's 'America Can Dance' tape at a party, it's a wild scene. Stifler doing a plop in some extreme jocks beer cooler then destroying their jet-skis. Awards for nail biting awkwardness goes to the scene where Jim is trying to smuggle an unconscious, naked teen back into her parents house. There's a nice bromance between the milf guy and 'the other milf guy'. Very sweet.

"I'm doing a sh*t!"

Did it make you think thoughts? Not many, which is lucky. I put it on to forget, not to think. It brought up strong nostalgic memories of when the Spice Girls were all over the airwaves and everything was right with the world.

"Jim hopes to have the sex life of Ricky Martin"

Would you watch it again? I'd sooner watch this than American Pie Three (not to say that there aren't fun times to be had in that film). I'd say it does the series justice. (by the way, I'm only counting the actual films, not the crappy straight to dvd'ers).

Rating (out of 100%): 77% Good natured, fun time comedy.