What's it all About? Iron pants is back and this time he faces the threat of The Mandarin, a terrorist who has targeted the president of the united states. When Tony Stark's bodyguard, Happy Hogan, gets roughed up Tony dons the suit and takes the fight to The Mandarin.
Best bits? The bit where Pepper gets Iron manised is pretty cool but otherwise best bits are thin on the ground.
Did it make you think thoughts? Let's get the good out of the way first. Downey Jr is ace as Tony Stark. His casual, playboy super-mechanic is played to perfection and he manages to make Stark extremely likeable considering he's a bit of spoiled brat with a superiority complex. Unfortunately it's all down here from there and as a warning, SPOILERS WILL FOLLOW.
In a nutshell, the script is poor, the plot is poor and the direction is suspect. The actors do the best with what they've got and ultimately you can't fault their performances. Cheadle is good comedy relief and I thought we'd be seeing him in ass kicking action as The Iron Patriot but alas the film makers had other ideas.
I knew it would be a long 2 hours when at the beginning of the film we see Tony getting dressed in his new suit of armour by just pointing at it and having it fly through the air in individual bits before it attaches itself to his body. One major beef I have is with the portrayal of The Mandarin. The original comic book version of this character is Chinese in origin and megalomanic in nature. He is a super intelligent, highly skilled martial artist and has ten power rings that grant him extraordinary abilities. I appreciate that not all things in comic books will translate well to the big screen but what they have done with him is a travesty. I was appalled when he appeared on screen with a horrible american accent and no power rings. The reason for this became clear with the twist when it was revealed he was just an actor 'playing' the part of The Mandarin. When Ben Kingsley reverted to his english accent and actor guise I sighed such a sigh that I think I annoyed the only two other people in the cineplex. From this point on the film was dead to me.
With this shambles in place, we see the real villain is Guy Pearce's Aldridge Killian. A wet drip of a man who becomes all powerful when he takes on the extremis project. This extremis makes men (and women) near indestructable, gives them the ability to regrow limbs, makes them able to survive being shot, burnt, exploded, tasered ad infinitum...yawn. It's never explained how though save for some backstabbing science chick who reveals it's all in the 'dna'. The bit where the main bad dude breaths fire though? Wow, mega Ugh. Also, all Killian wanted to do was sell his extremis human weapons to the worlds arms market so why he had to go through the palaver of kidnapping the president and creating The Mandarin I'm not entirely sure. I don't think the screen writers were either judging by the crap job they did with the script and story.
The end action scene is horrible with the president strung up Jesus like and has way too many Iron Man suits clogging up the screen. Why didn't he just call for all those automated suits earlier when he really needed them? Maybe Mr Stark isn't a super genius after all. Oh yeah, and what was that whole bit with the kid about? Tiresome and pointless. Overall the action scenes suffer from a trend that I thought the movie business had grown out of, that of super fast editing that makes it almost impossible to tell what's going on. Terrible.
Here's the thing, I'm a big comic book fan and before all the chumps out there start banging on that, 'He's just a raging fanboy who would never be satisfyed,' you should all know I really liked the first Iron Man and even the second one that most people hated on. Whereas the first film was fresh and new, this just seemed like a Hollywood cash-in. More than anything I came away angry. Angry that all involved would make such a pile of dog turd and angry with myself that I was sucked into the hype that it would be a rollercoaster thrill ride. In fact I had more of a thrill on the pedestrian style monorail at Chessington World of Adventures last week. On a side note, I must say that for pure ride enjoyment, Thorpe Park is the place to go. Rush, Stealth, Detonator and Nemesis are all fantastic. Chessington is great though if you want a bit more bang for your buck. There's a zoo, aquarium, sealion shows, a mini safari and loads of other stuff to keep the kids busy.
My best advice to people would be to check out the Extremis comic written by Warren Ellis and drawn by Adi Granov and also Joe Casey and Eric Canete's Enter The Mandarin which will give a much better interpretation of what this story is all about.
Would you watch it again? The Chief's main premise for whether or not a film is good is it's rewatchability so no I wouldn't watch again. Either of the Fantastic Four films, Daredevil and even Elektra are better than this.
Rating (out of 100%): Man this sucks balls hard. I give Iron Man 3 a game-changing (and not in a good way) 28%
