The Proposition (2005)

The Chief is going old school and doing a couple of reviews in the style of Slumpy when it first hit the information super-highway. Short, sharp snapshot reviews. Boom!

In 7 words or less: Western shenanigans in the Aussie outback

What's it all About? Ray Winstone's Morris Stanley is a police captain in a remote part of Australia. After he captures two brothers who are part of a notorious gang, he makes a deal with them. In exchange for the release of the younger brother, the other (Guy Pearce) has to locate and kill the third brother and leader of the gang (Danny Huston).



Best bits? The performances are all spot on and the cinematography is ace.

Did it make you think thoughts? Nice opening, grabs you straight away and delivers the plot in about 5 mins. 
What a dung-hole Australia truly is. Well, that's the impression we get. Dirt, filth, flies, and scum are all in abundance Alongside this we witness that Ray wears his conflict out front and centre and his desire to 'civilise' Oz consumes him.



Would you watch it again? Probably.

Rating (out of 100%): I give The Proposition a rock solid 83%

The Hunger Games (2012)

In 7 words or less: The Running Man with tweens

What's it all About? Panem is ruled by the Capitol, code for the bourgeois who live a great life on booze, oysters and prettifying themselves. The rest of the districts are kept under control, starved and made to work in the industry their district is known for - coal, electrics etc. You may be thinking - hey why don't these poor oppressed peeps do some rioting and fight back? Well once upon a time they did and now every year to remind them of the consequences and prevent them ever doing it again each district is required to put forward two tributes aged 12 - 18 to take part in the Hunger Games. These are selected at random from a hat (not literally a hat put basically yes) and they enter an area. You know the rest, last person alice wins. Oh dear! Katniss Everdeen's 12 year old sister is chosen and she steps in and volunteers. Next Peeta the bakers son is chosen and they are swept off to take part in the 74th Hunger Games. The remaining film is about the games and people doing bad murders and them sort of sort of not been in love. Swoon. 

Best bits? I liked the portrayal of the capitol it's exactly how I imagined it all silly outfits and odd decorations on their faces. The scene where they come in on their chariots on fire was pretty cool. Go Peeta, Go Katniss!! Lenny Kravitz was right good at playing Cinna, Katniss's stylist, the scenes between them expressed the seriousness of what was happening where in others it felt a bit 'ooo off we go to a big murder party, weeeeeee'!!

The game makers scenes were also great. It's the thing in the book that's hard to visualise how they make the arena and I thought they captured it well, they were all sat round a big massive round giant ipad thing, looked cool. Modern. 

Did it make you think thoughts? I thought how many more tween hype novels can I give myself too?! Harry Potts, Twilight and now the Hunger Games?! Although it wasn't it massive wow that's the best film ever I absolutely loved the book and it was fun to see it played out, it didn't annoy me or anything like it can when you your fave books hit the screen, but it was quite an obvious interpretation. At times it was like moving from one event to the other with not much holding it together in between. I don't think the film really captured the dark times in the districts, it's the most interesting part of the whole story and was a bit overlooked. 

Would you watch it again? Yes of course. I haven't mentioned the love triangle yet (obvs there's one of those) and it was good fun to watch, completely cheesy but loved it. 

Rating (out of 100%): I'm giving it a 'quick, shoot down that rat and get it on the fire for a snack' 75% great teen fodder...if you like that sort of thing (which clearly I do!)

John Carter (2012)

In 7 words or less: Man transported to Mars, saves day.

What's it all About? Apologies in advance for the lengthy synopsis, but there is no way to make this convoluted tale clear in fewer words.

Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote the stories that 'inspired' this film between 1910 and 1968 (the last was published after his death). They were ingenious tales, ahead of their time, about the different alien societies on Barsoom AKA Mars, and the impact a human man has on their planet. This man is John Carter (Taylor Kitsch,Wolverine), an American Civil War veteran who, after the war and the loss of his family, searches for a cave of gold. Then it gets complicated. He finds the cave and it it is a strange robed man with an amulet. He struggles with this man, shooting him just as the stranger is muttering an incantation to the amulet. Carter picks up the amulet, repeats the incantation, and wakes up in a red desert wasteland. He tries to get up, but to his surprise can only bunny-hop enormous heights and distances. He meets some 10ft tall green aliens (Thark) with fours arms (very useful) whose leader (Tars Tarkus - Willem Defoe) seems to like him despite Carter's freakish appearance, so he is welcomed into their tribe. Meanwhile, two tribes of human-looking aliens covered in red tattoes and little else are at war (one lot are from a city called Helium, can't remember the baddies' names) and the Princess of Helium (Dejah Thoris - Lynn Collins, Wolverine) is being forced to marry the baddie king (Dominic West, The Wire) to save her people. She is headstrong and brainy so runs away on a flying ship which is shot down by Dominic West's army. She falls from the sky and Carter bunny hops to save her. Hurrah! From then on, Dajah tried to get Carter to help her save her people and Carter tries to get Dejah to help him get home. They both double cross the other, argue, and inevitably fall in love. There is confusing stuff with some magical blue wire which is a weapon given by the Thern (immortal, white, bald, shapeshifting busybodies who always back brutes to win, led by Mark Strong) to Dominic West so that he can conquer Barsoom (Mars to you, me and Carter) thus enabling the Thern to feed off the planet's destruction before moving on to the next one. Eventually there is a crisis point where Dejah is about to marry Dominic West (who will subsequently murder her, thus somehow cementing his power, according to Mark Strong), when Carter turns up to rescue her in the nick of time (she thought he'd gone back to Earth, or Jarsoom) with an army of Tharks. Goodies win! Yay. Then a twisty ending that sets up for sequels that will never happen.

One Nip.

Best bits? It cost $250m and all the money is up there on the screen. I saw it in 3-D IMAX so the alien people, landscapes and flying machines really popped out of the picture. Dominic West and Mark Strong are always value for money, and even if they didn't always seem to know what they were talking about, they were clearly having fun being the dastardly bad guys (with English accents, of course).

I also loved the giant alien dog who could travel at high speeds so managed to never leave John Carter's side. Comedy Gold. He was the only part of the film that felt like Pixar was behind the steering wheel.

Big Nasties.

Did it make you think thoughts? Confused ones at some length after viewing the film. Still not sure what the Therns actually are, if they don't really exist, are immortal and indestructible but can be killed with one of your Earth bullets. I also found it odd that the good guys murder the weakest of their young, brand tribe members for the slightest infraction, and have an arena where their former king (Jeddak) must fight big hairy monsters to the death for their amusement. It raised some interesting questions about what different societies value and how they interact with each other. Most interestingly of all it seems to suggest that they can only be 'civilised' and peaceful via the influence of an American Man.

Saying that, you could just take it entirely at face value: aliens fighting and shooting, earthman executing gigantic bunny hops (due to lower gravity or different bone density?!) in order to save hot alien princess from baddies and marry her thus mending his broken heart.

Double Nip.

Would you watch it again? I really wanted to love this film. I really did. The bits in John Carter's mansion and his mausoleum were filmed at my house, so I felt very involved with the film, having worked until one in the morning some nights, even seeing a frost develop accross the garden as night drew in. This was two years ago, so that's a big build up. Then the reviews started flooding in. They were so terrible that my expectations were consequently lowered to a point some three feet below the bottom of the proverbial barrel.

Therefore I was surprised not to completely hate it. There were some points that were quite boring, which is unforgiveable in a big budget blockbuster, but generally I was interested in what was going on. The problem was that I didn't always understand what was going on. Names of characters and places are unmemorable, the complex intertwined histories of the Barsoomian tribes are barely explored but we are still expected to understand the reasons behind their wars, and worst of all, the script was abysmal. It stank, quite frankly, and may be worst script I have ever experienced with the possible exception of 300. It is for this reason that I would have to wait quite a long time before subjecting myself to the experience again. The effects were out of this world, which rarely translates as impressively to the small screen, so a DVD watching seems unlikely for enjoyment purposes. I probably will eventually watch it again, but only as a trip down memory lane of my involvement with the filming, and partyicularly the excellent catering. Perhaps they should have spent less on round the clock penny sweets, chocolates, panini and cappuccini, and more on a decent scriptwriter.

Rating (out of 100%): 52%

One and a half nips.

The Muppets (2011)

In 7 words or less: The band reunites one more time

What's it all About? A plot thread going back to the very first Muppet Movie, explains that the muppet studios and muppet name will be turned over to rich oil tycoon Tex Richman (Cooper) unless the mupps can raise a cool 10 mil. The only way to do that is if they put on a show. Unfortunately they have all gone their separate ways and so, with the help of newcomers Gary and Walter, Kermit embarks on a venture to round everyone up and put on an old school shindig worthy of muppet marvelouness. 

Best bits? Kermit's 80's robot is genius, what a character. Anyone who says, 'Gag me with a spoon,' in a Johnny 5 accent is ok in my book. Don't believe me? check these clips out.





The Moopets are another highlight. A muppets rip-off tribute band. Yowza, what a concept. Dave Grohl cameos as Animool and we also have a gangster-like Foozie and the foul mouthed Miss Poogy. Ha ha, I laughed I can tell you.

Wacka Wacka Yo

Picking out a favourite song is tricky as they are all ace but if you forced me to I'd go with the spectacularly ridiculous 'Man or Muppet' and the 70's disco vibed 'Party of One'.



Did it make you think thoughts? The muppet world is a strange one. Human Gary (Segel) has a brother Walter, who happens to be a puppet man who just happens to wonder if he might be a muppet. What? The fact that that the rest of the muppet universe accepts talking frogs and joke telling bears means that we can overlook this human/puppet relationship. 

The opening 10 minutes is pretty kiddie friendly and features the first of a great bunch of songs. The all singing all dancing 'Life's a happy song' had me wondering if it would be aimed too much at the ankle biters and would fail to entertain The Chief. Crisis averted as soon as we get our first cameo. Chris Cooper is sublime and helps to set up the story with his 'maniacal laugh' spouting evil Tex Richman. 



It also becomes clear that 90% of the humour and jokes are aimed at the adults in the audience. Along with this more pop-cultury humour we get a large slice of reality and heartfelt angst. As Kermit recalls how all his friends have now drifted away, he laments about the possibility that he asked too much of his former charges. The weight of responsibility is heavy on his shoulders and this is conveyed superbly in the awesome 'Pictures in my Head' tune (The Swedish Chef pops up here which is always a delight for The Chief). It also poses the question of the muppets relevance in today's modern, junk food, snap shot, reality tv obsessed society. 

Mournful Kermie

Staying with the serious tone, Kermit and Piggy show us why they should be considered one of cinemas great couples. When we first meet Kermit, Piggy is nowhere to be seen and as the film progresses we learn that these are jilted lovers. Theirs is a true romance with all the up and downs of a real world all human couple. This being a Disney film you don't need spoilers to know it all ends happily ever after, as well it should.

With all the songs contained within, it does feel slightly as if it's just a bunch of tunes strung together with various other things happening in between. That may be the case, but the fact that this is arguably the greatest collection of uplifting, clever, catchy songs ever assembled in one motion picture completely lets it off the hook. Staying with the songs, if you don't like or don't know who Flight of the Conchords are you're a loser. Fact. I mention this because one half of the Conchords, Brett McKenzie, had a hand in most of the songs on the soundtrack. It really does show as well. They really jump out at you and pop with lyrical flair. Love it. If you don't get a smile watching Beaker, Sam, Rowlf and Link Hearthrob performing a barber shop quartet rendition of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' you have no soul. Likewise, seeing Chris Cooper busting out a cynical, materialistic rap is priceless. Ah, I could go on and on.

Two points to finish on. Fozzie's fart shoes had me in stitches and it would be criminal of me not to mention The Spy Who Loved homage as the muppets drive their car out of the sea onto the beach. Roger would be proud!

Would you watch it again? Hot diggedy dog, I sure will.

Road Trip!

Rating (out of 100%): I love it. I've seen it twice already. Is it as good as The Muppets Take Manhattan? Right now I think it's better but I will go back and compare again soon. At this moment in muppet time I give The Muppets a rainbow connecting 90%

ATM (2012)

In 7 words or less: A man stands outside of an ATM.

What's it all About? A man with a length of pipe scares some cowards by standing still outside of an ATM. He gets bored so he starts messing with them a bit. They FREAK out, start acting silly and get themselves into a lot of bother.

Hahahaha

Best bits? My favourite scenes were any of the 10 minutes of baffaling footage of the stalker drawing up blueprints of his plans. With shots lingering over him writing "Christmas Tree Depot Shuts 8pm" and other hilarious notes. The very thought that this guy could possibly predict  all the ridiculous stuff that happens and plan for it is just great.

A RULER AND RED PEN! A RULER! OW!

There's also a hilarious scene where, in a moment of desperation, one of them quietly mutters the old "if we put our pin number in backwards, the police will turn up" gem. We are then treated to a shot of the character realistically struggling to reverse the PIN. It doesn't work.

9. 5. to infinity

They try everything they can, apart from actually doing something. It's very frustrating. I know it's meant to be one of those "what would I do in that position" but it doesn't really have that effect, it's a feeling more like annoyance.

Did it make you think thoughts? I actually thought it was quite fun for a little bit. Then like all modern horror, there's very little fun to be had in the end. It's a stupid idea, it should have been a whole lot stupider. This has actually put me off watching Buried (the directors other work).

Wow, this is hard to review... There's nothing really to say. Three tenuously trapped in an ATM whilst a killer scares them a bit from outside. It has the worst ending of any film i've seen in a long time. That montage of him drawing out blueprints! It's meant to stay with you and scare you deep to your core. But it was tickling me just right. That hand model really nails that scene.

Would you write PLEH on the window?

Would you watch it again? I can't imagine a situation where I would need to. For laughs? No, there are very few of those here.

Rating (out of 100%): 32% Not fun enough to be enjoyable. The worst pin-number based film of 2012?

Tell No One (2006)

In 7 words or less: Innocent murder suspect on run; suspenseful thriller.

What's it all About? The main character in Ne le dis à personne (Tell No One), Alexandre Beck (François Cluzet), is a haunted man. He was once very happily married to his childhood sweetheart, Margot (Marie-Josée Croze). But 8 years ago, the couple was on vacation at their cottage, when she was brutally murdered. Whoever was responsible knocked Alex out, killed Margot and got away. To les flics, much of Alex's story doesn't add up. He was found on the dock at the lake on their property, unconscious. If he was knocked cold in the water, why didn't he drown? Who pulled him to safety? But they could never definitely pin it on him. The authorities were forced to officially conclude that Margot's murder was the work of a serial killer in the area at the time.

Now, in the present, the bodies of two men have been found near where Margot's was found, and Alex's name has come up again as the press and law enforcement rehash the case. Margot's autopsy photos have disappeared from the report, she had a safe deposit box Alex was unaware of (the key was on one of the newly-discovered bodies), and someone who knows all about Alex is sending him creepy anonymous emails. Could it be Margot? But then, whose body was cremated instead of hers? When Margot's best friend is killed, the murder weapon is found in his apartment and Alex runs. In order to clear his name, he needs to find out what really happened. What did Gilbert Neuville (Jean Rochefort), the local tycoon who seems to control everything, have to do with it? Why has he hired some goons to rough Alex up? A large cast of family, friends, and assorted others (played by Kristin Scott Thomas, Gilles Lellouche, Guillaume Canet, and Nathalie Baye, among others) help or hinder Alex in his efforts as a dogged police detective (François Berléand from the Transporter movies) pursues him unrelentingly.

Best bits? Guillaume Canet, known in the US mostly as an actor or possibly as Marion Cotillard's boyfriend, wrote, directed and takes a small role in Tell No One. The film's central concept — a wrongly accused man on the run — is thoroughly in film noir territory, while the imagery and use of sound reminded me of David Lynch's work. The story of Alex and Margot's earlier life, the murder and its aftermath is told in flashbacks that are interspersed with the present day so seamlessly that we don't always know what is the present and what is the past, or how long ago it happened. This technique effectively captures the nature of grief, how the mind will flit back instantaneously into memory, triggered suddenly by random images or thoughts.

Did it make you think thoughts? The longer you watch, the clearer the past becomes, and the more muddled the present. Canet creates three-dimensional characters and manages the story expertly. The cast is uniformly excellent; Cluzet is memorable as Alex, a man who harbors 8 years' anger and sadness just under the surface as he finds his way through the labyrinth. As in any good noir, genteel behaviour can harbor psychotic tendencies and extreme corruption, just as thuggery may conceal loyalty and decency. But this unpredictable film transcends film noir tropes. It has the capability to surprise, which is saying a lot. And although there are some inconsistencies here and there, Tell No One is a suspenseful and very entertaining ride.

Would you watch it again? Yes, absolutely.

Rating (out of 100%): 95%

The Artist (2011)

In 7 words or less: Awards botherer. Silent, French, noir et blanc.

What's it all about? George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is a famous big head slient movie star. He falls for lowly extra/dancer Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo) who then usurps his status as top dog in Hollywoodland when the talkies come in. George (and his dog) are dumped by the studio and audiences in favour of Peppy and her talky sassy ways...

Best bits? I loved the way the film played on the silent movie era in a post modern way, a great scene is where George dreams he hears sounds but cannot speak himself. Peppy Miller is 'spiceworld' and the two leads have an excellent on screen chemistry. It's a tight, brilliantly choreographed little number, and the recreation of 1920's Hollywood is very authentic.

Did it make you think thoughts? It's a fun, smart and good-hearted ode to the silent movie era, which takes a fresh approach to a style not seen since the early days of cinema.

No film that ever sweeps the boards at the big awards ceremonies is ever miles better than anything else. Although this was awesome, I think it's a shame that while some excellent films from last year were left out of the movie world love in, The Artist was celebrated more than any other. 

Would you watch it again? Maybe, although unlikely.

Rating (out of 100%): I really enjoyed this and there's no reason why you shouldn't too. In fact it's a film that will appeal to all generations with plenty of laughs, romance and sass. The emotional scenes never get too heavy (even when George tries to kill himself it's hard to take seriously), the performances are full of talent and energy and the script has wit in abundance. A great idea, carried out with panache, I give this a not so artistic but still a lot of fun 84%

Due Date (2010)

In 7 words or less: Watch Planes, Trains & Automobiles instead.

What's it all About? Peter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.) is trying to make it home to LA for the birth of his child. After getting chucked off of his flight and subsequently being put on the "no-fly" list for mentioning terrorists he is forced to go on a road trip across America with Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis). Japes and scrapes ensue.

Best bits? Definitely some real 'LOL' moments in this, mostly coming from the brilliantly funny, Zach Galifianakis. Robert Downey Jr. is refreshing as the straight man and bounces off of Galifianakis really well. This clip is great, Ethan thinks Shakespeare is a famous pirate called Shakesbeard. HA!



Did it make you think thoughts? Yeah, it's a bad film peppered with some great scenes. There's no escaping the fact that it's a total rip off of John Hughes' excellent 80s romp, Planes, Trains & Automobiles. It is worth a watch though, the two main characters are definitely more interesting than what you come to expect from most modern comedy dirge. 

Would you watch it again? Yeah, I could slap this on in the background and have a beer.

Rating (out of 100%): It made me laugh, can I ask anymore from a comedy? Yes, I can, so this gets a generous 63%

Muppets From Space (1999)

In 7 words or less: What-ever-he-is Gonzo discovers his origin

What's it all About? After several recurring dreams about Noah not letting him on the Ark as their is only one of him, Gonzo begins to wonder where he came from and what he is. Queue shady government agency out to capture extraterrestrial life. Our hook nosed friend becomes a prime candidate and falls into the clutches of an evil government lackey. It's up to Kermit, Fozzie and the gang to rescue him.

Best bits? The soundtrack is funk and disco/soul all the way. Samtterings of James Brown, Earth, Wind & Fire and The O'Jays are ever present. Although this is a good thing, we don't get any actual muppets singing which is usually a highlight of any muppet picture. 

I'm holding some jello

As far as performances go, the best lines of script are given to Pepe the King Prawn, 'I will smack you like a bad, bad donkey' and Rentro the Bear, 'Jalapenos, jalapenos, getting my friend some jalapenos.' These newish muppets are a joy to watch.

Did it make you think thoughts? I like Gonzo. However, he's not my favourite character out of the top tier muppets. With all this focus on him, we get a reduced portion of Fozzie and Kermit which is no good thing. As Gonzo's best friend, Rizzo the Rat gets a lot of screen time and his 'lab rat' scenes are funny. The evil government agent (Jeffrey Tambor who is superb in the tv series Arrested Development. Go watch it now) has some great back and forth with his bumbling sidekick Rentro (played by Bobo the Bear). 

That's a big gun sir!

Strangley, the muppets are at their best when they don't have to worry about a protracted storyline to stick to and can just be themselves. With this being a story heavy film, we seem to get less zingy one-liners and more out-of-characters situations. That's not a movie-damaging thing just an observation.

Would you watch it again? This is getting silly now. If you've been following my reviews you'll know that I'll watch anything muppet related over and over.

Rating (out of 100%): A good film that loses a few marks because it feels more un-muppet like than most muppet movies. Still, I give Muppets From Space a UFOing 70%

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009)

In 7 words or less: Another film that's 21 years too late.

What's it all About? Whilst transporting a new super weapon, two American soldiers (Duke and Ripcord) come under attack by a mysterious, technically advanced enemy. They are saved by an equally esoteric band of troopers called, G.I.JOE, an elite group of super soldiers hand picked from around the world. What takes place after this event is a globe trottin', futuristic fightin', ridiculous chase after some weird rocket that eats metal... "Say whaaaaat?!"

Best bits? Watching some young jocks in weird super suits running around Paris causing ludicrous amounts of collateral damage culminating in the Eiffel Tower falling over is enough to make anyone chuckle. The CG in this scene is so spectacularly bad that it might border on unintentional genius.

Bugger, the CG looks really good here. 

In places it almost catches a retro feel. The over the top 'set in the not too distant future' type of action works well and sets a good comic book feel from the get go; there's no way you could be confused about what sort of film you're watching: a completely cuckoo bananas one!

Did it make you think thoughts? Yeah, I don't want a G.I.JOE film now, I wanted it 21 years ago. Such a bizarre time to finally bring a live action version of this out, part of the 'let's remake old things because people love retro stuff' brigade no doubt. 

It was annoying recognising all the names that I used to love but no one actually looking anything like the characters they're based on; just a bunch of guys in cammo with action figure names! If you want it to look retro make everyone look exactly like their comic book counterparts. Snake Eyes, he was the only one, he looked wicked!

This film isn't made for me, like the new Transformers movie, these new workings of my childhood favourites are for a new, E.T hating, action thirsty, 'I want it now' yuppy lava generation that haven't got time for the delicate nuances of 80s awesomeness! I bet they bloody love this film! 

Would you watch it again? I may do. It grew on me when I let go of all the anger.

Rating (out of 100%): 55% I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Certainly wasn't a complete disaster although it gives it a bloody good go. Switch your brain box off for this one guys!

Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

In 7 words or less: Muppets walk the plank with Long-John Silver

What's it all About? Like the preceding Christmas Carol, we are treated to a another interpretation of a literary classic with a muppet spin on it. For those that don't know, the story revolves around young Jim Hawkins who, along with an eclectic cast of characters, sets sail to find a stash of hidden treasure. 

Best bits? Sam The American Eagle is fast becoming another new fave of mine and here he is on great form as first mate Samuel Arrow. Before the ship sets sail, Sam does a crew roll call. Great stuff as we are treated to Dead Tom, Clueless Morgan, and Headless Bill amongst others.



The final song where Piggy and Kermit are dangling from a rope high above the cliff top doomed to drop to their deaths is a fantastically wonderful comic moment. While they sing their love for each other, we get slo-mo scenes of pirates dancing and wallowing in gold booty. Great stuff.

Did it make you think thoughts? You have to wait about 15 minutes before you get any recognizable muppets character on screen apart from Gonzo which is not a good thing (Not that Gonzo isn't a good thing, rather I want more muppet activity). This drought is broken by the incomparable Fozzie Bear who just so happens to believe he has a small man called Mr Bimble living in his finger who gives him advice! Now this is the sort of madcap muppet craziness I love. Unfortunately, after this scene, Fozzie doesn't feature much which is a real shame. 

Their's a man in my finger!

As far as the human portions of the film go, Tim Curry is well cast as Long John but the kid that plays Jim Hawkins is quite annoying and his opening song is awful. Staying with the songs, they have a most definite Disney feel to them which is conveyed in their cutesy, feel good, non-offensive manner. The Cabin Fever song and the aforementioned final song are the best of the bunch.

Where Island trumps Carol is in the way it deviates slightly from the original story material. This allows our favourite muppet adventurers to be put in unlikely situations that we aren't expecting. It also allows the now obligatory Swedish Chef appearance which is followed by some talking fruit and vegetables exclaiming, 'How else did you think we get him in this film!'

Polly the Lobster

Would you watch it again? Oh course, it's the muppets.

Rating (out of 100%): Slow to start but enough funny turns and performances make this the best of the 'family first' muppets flicks. I give Muppets Treasure Island a bilge swilling, plank walking, land lubber hating, hard-to-port 77%