In 7 words or less: Someone made Battleships into a film. Ouch.
What's it all About? A Naval exercise in the Pacific gets interrupted by a disorganised band of aliens. Tanned, hot, 20 something's with stiff jaws and big booblebots get in their big boats and unleash 'America!' from their giant canons. Basically an MTV advert for the Navy.
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| Is this still an exercise? |
Best bits? I imagine, or I hope, that every single person involved in this movie is completely aware of its lunacy and therefore treats it as a giant joke; because for a non comedy it's absolutely hilarious. I think the only person not to get that company email might have been Rihanna; clearly one of the most annoying humans to look at and listen to on the planet. She literally looks like an 11 year old boy. I digress, this film is a clear stink fest but still relatively easy to watch due to the fact that it keeps you giggling at how bad it is throughout.
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| Ummmmmbrellllllllaaaaa!!! |
Did it make you think thoughts? My brain box was switched to 'off mode' for this one so as a human, I was operating at a base level. I came close to having some thoughts when I witnessed the contractual requirement scene; an actual game of real life battleships was rammed down my face and I couldn't believe my eyes. Those said eyes soon rolled back into my skull as the cgi explosions, soft porn and casual racism rendered me senseless.
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| 12a porn |
Oh, I guess it wasn't all bad! If you're a 12a year old living in 2012 then Battleship will probably float your proverbial battle boat.
Would you watch it again? I seriously doubt it. It's also put me off the board game. Wait... Of course it hasn't! D7, FIRE!!! *miss* Bugger.
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| These two are actually only 11 years old. |
Rating (out of 100%): 27% Another lazy blockbuster. Knock it off Hasbro!
