The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

In 7 words or less: The muppets invade a dickens classic.

What's it all About? Scrooge (Michael Caine) is mean, hates Christmas and generally hates everything and everyone. When he's visited on Christmas Eve by three spirits, he must decide whether or not to change his wicked ways.

Best bits? Beeker is fast becoming one of my favourite muppets and his meep meeping had me chortling to myself during his brief scene. As far as the human interest is concerned, it's kept to a minimum which is good, and The Cainester has a good showing as the Scroogemeister himself. 

Did it make you think thoughts? The main issue here is that it's just a carbon copy of virtually every other retelling of Dicken's classic tale. I was expecting some muppet's ad-libbing or some off the beaten track shenanigans but alas it's pretty standard fayre throughout.

Now then, because the muppets are involved it does make it watchable but I did think The animated Jim Carey Christmas Carol (2009) was a better movie.

Would you watch it again? I would but there are definitely better muppet offerings than this.

Rating (out of 100%): A by-the-numbers interpretation that receives a bah humbug rating of 64%

The Bodyguard (1992)

In 7 words or less: People try to hurt Whitney. 

What's it all About? Rachel (aka Whitters) is a hot celeb at the peak of her career. What could possibly derail this wild ride of fame, fortune, swimming pools and electric gates? Well nutters trying to kill her, that's what. After receiving some dodgy notes (sent by someone who I must say was very handy with the scissors) and discovering someone snuck in and jerked off in her bed (slightly unnecessary in the context of the film), her team step up the security and bring in Farmer, hold onto your hats ladies, cue: Costner! A love/hate/sex relationship blossoms while Costner gets her security ship shape (it seems despite being an international superstar she only had one overweight bumbling idiot looking after her), and before we know it, Costner is out to save her life not just for a job, but only for bloody true love. Swoon!

Best bits? I like the bit where they go to the snowy retreat and a man with a gun comes. Oo it's exciting. Get him Kevin, get him! I also like the bit where she's on stage and the audience start grabbing her and Costner strides in with a fire extinguisher, sweeps her up and carries right out of there. This is stuff that could only have been created in the 90s - and what with the 90s finally starting to look like they stand for something and coming back in, I enjoyed the transportation to bad love songs sang beautifully, robotic clothing and blood curdling perms. 

There are also some odd bits in this film which make it feel all nostalgic and cuddly in the same way when you think about people's names from your school days (why do names of kids you went to school with sound so funny?!) There's this bit where she's really absorbed in her walkman (awesome) by the pool, she's rocking out and humming along. Only she's listening to her own music? That was odd. There's also the bit where the 'red herring' stalker calls her up and just shouts 'no,no,no,no,no,no' in a really creepy voice. It's a real 90s scare and some might say they're the best ones. 

Did it make you think thoughts? With Whitney's untimely death it's hard not to think what a shame that it all ended like that. She really was 'a voice' and a beautiful lady. The chemistry between her and Costner was a bit naff but I thought 'ah, they had a nice time making that'. It was a weird parody to her life and hard not to think that she needed a real life bodyguard. Sigh. Sad face.

On a slightly less worthy note, I also had lots of flashbacks to school discos, awkward dances with boys and kisses that tasted like Space Raiders. 

Would you watch it again? Yes. I bust it out every now and then for a very non-guilty pleasure. At the bottom of their hearts every girl would like a strong man to jump in front of her if they were being shot at. Ah the romance of a live shoot out, you just can't beat it.

Rating (out of 100%): I'm giving the body guard a 'Queen of the NIght' 75%. A 90s classic. All together now....and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIeeeeIiiiiiiiiii will alllllllways loooooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Beautiful. 

The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)

In 7 words or less: Muppets are back....and back on form

What's it all About? Kermit and the gang take their musical show to New York and attempt to get in on Broadway. Will they succeed? Will Fozzie tell a funny joke? Will The Swedish Chef yet again steal the show with his all too brief scene?

Best bits? Kermit disguised as a movie executive spouting off Hollywood catchphrases is priceless. The guys who runs the local cafe is all kinds of foreign immigrant gold and after the gang break up, the individual vignettes of their new lives are terrific.

Did it make you think thoughts? Knowing that this flick was about the muppets just being themselves filled me with joy and after about 5 minutes in I knew I was onto a winner here. The cameos are not overly used here which lets the focus remain on the frogs, bears, chickens and whatevers (Gonzo). 

I don't think the songs are as good as the first movie but this is countered by there not being too much fluff, which is something The Great Muppet Caper suffered from, and the film rattles along at a great pace. Most of all though the film contains so much charm that a massive amount of smiling is inevitable. It actually made me feel good. 



Would you watch it again? Man I sure am a muppoholic. I just love those guys so of course I will.

Rating (out of 100%): I rate this just above The Muppet Movie and am even planning the next watch in the coming months. I give The Muppets Take Manhattan a wacka wacka 89%

J. Edgar (2011)

In 7 words or less: J. Edgar Hoover lives a life.

What's it all About? Biopic about the life and times of J. Edgar Hoover, encompassing his 48 year career and the genesis of the FBI. The film also attempts to look at J. Edgar's fiercely secretive and mysterious private life. 

Best bits? Hmmm, there isn't really much to say. This film didn't interest me visually and felt more like an exercise than a story, I therefore treated it more like a history lesson. I'm quite interested in this area and enjoyed learning about the origins of the FBI and Hoover's thirst for using forensic science (a new concept back then) to crack cases and solve crimes. It's fascinating to me that pre FBI you could quite happily go around robbing banks with your tommy gun in one state, then once you had your fill, simply cross a state line and be a free man?! 

DiCaprio puts in a great shift playing the enigmatic head of the FBI. He's turned into an astonishing actor and tackles this role in such a fierce manner; totally embodying every facet of his character. I don't know if DiCaprio's take on J. Edgar Hoover is accurate, it may be wildly misjudged, but watching an actor in his prime like this is insanely engaging.

Did it make you think thoughts? I'm tired of biopics been told like this. At the beginning of the film an old J. Edgar sits down with a journalist and regales a rather inaccurate, embellished version of his career. What we see from then on in is a series of flashbacks telling J. Edgar's story in an excruciatingly dull, boring and predictable way. I would have much rather seen this from a more 'real time' perspective and dumped all the endless reflection scenes.

This film paints Hoover in a worryingly finite way given that so much of the material is surly speculative. His private life is one of the more interesting aspects of his life for sure, but to stab wildly in the dark at this subject without that much to go on seems a little presumptuous. The scenes that are meant to shock you, where you find out certain revelations about Hoover, are seriously clunky and smack of 'we don't really know much about this bit, just keep shocking them with more homosexual stuff, oh, I read he was a cross-dresser, bung that in too. What else is there on wikipedia?' In parts, it's a real mess. 

Young actors being made to look really, really old is always a problem. Mostly it's unintentionally funny and tears you out of an otherwise engaging story. DiCaprio pulls it off in this, it takes a few minutes to adjust but he smashes it out of the park. Unfortunately the same can't be said for his co star, Armie Hammer (Winklevoss twin from The Social Network) who plays Hoovers right hand man and debatable love interest; his makeup is awful! It's like they did DiCap and then just forgot about this poor sod. His body language is like that of an 11 year old in drama class being asked to act like his granny.

Ha, silly.

Would you watch it again? No. Great central performance but this is a one time deal.

Rating (out of 100%): 57% Despite an incredible performance from DiCap, this is a heavily floored film and quite badly handled by Eastwood. Having a slight interest in the subject matter will go a long way to making this more enjoyable. 

The Woman in Black (2012)

In 7 words or less: Angry ghost woman is still very bitter.

What's it all About? Radcliffe has seen terrible tragedy in his short life. But he's also lived more than a man his age would physiologically allow him to. Anyway, he's almost over that now and he has a hot new assignment in the seaside town of Crithyn Gifford. This is going to be great! File some dead Woman's papers and then kick back on the beach for a couple of days. Radcliffe couldn't be more excited. On his arrival, he gets a very frosty reaction indeed. As you would expect. What are the townsfolk so afraid of? It can't be Radders... Maybe it's that Ghost Woman over there who kills kiddies?

Holy Shiiii*iiiit!

Best bits? There are two chunky shiver scares in this version. That's not really enough, but they are quite good. One of them involved a rocking chair, which is amped up from previous versions of the story, which is very creepy indeed. Another one involves a prolonged sighting of the WIB which is creeptastic. The best part in the trailer where you see a face appear behind Radders in the window accompanied by a scare-SFX has sadly been toned down in the final edit so it didn't make it into the best bits.

The WIB in 2011 Trailer and in 2012 Release. From evil to Joker.

Did it make you think thoughts? This didn't quite hit the spot for me. I've been looking forward to this version for a while now as a fan of the story and it was mainly disappointing. It wasn't at all scary enough. It had it's moments, which were very creepy, but it couldn't keep them up. Apparently the scare factor was toned down in the final cut to get it the questionable 12A certificate. I could have done with it being toned back up again.

It all looks very pretty though, some really nice shots. Although I'm not keen on this type of editing for horror. I can see right through it. You're not scaring anyone with your MTV editing. Stop the quick cuts and flashing images of ghost children. It doesn't work.

It's grim up north.

I'm not sure why they felt the need for the story change either. Again reducing the scares and shock factor of Susan Hill's original story.

On a plus point. Although clearly too young for the role. Radcliffe actually makes a really good go at this. He's enjoyable to watch (despite still making too much noise when not saying anything) and I'm looking forward to his future films. A comforting screen presence.

Would you watch it again? I think so, I'm not sure what else I could do to boost enjoyment of it more though. I might just read the book again. Or watch the TV film. Or listen to the radio play. Or, maybe I had drunk too much wine and I was immune to the scares? No. This would be scary to a pack of lynxy teens but not to older horror fans.

Rubbish Baby Scares

Rating (out of 100%): 51% If you like your horror cutesy and cut together like a Bush video from 1997 then this could be for you.

The Keep (1983)

In 7 words or less: Michael Mann's weird fantasy horror film!?

What's it all About? It's WWII and a bunch of Nazis get sent to guard some weird citadel in Romania called 'The Keep'. A couple of German soldiers try to steal some strange silvery crosses from inside the keep and accidentally wake up some serious evil. The local villagers seem petrified of the place and when Nazi soldiers start mysteriously getting murdered the townsfolk get the blame. Typical Nazis.

Best bits? The scene where the two German soldiers are trying to steal the cross is awesome! Out of nowhere the film totally changes direction; we're hit with hard 80s synths and a truck load of dry ice! If you have the time you should check it out below.



The weird thing that those guys wake up is apparently called Molasar, he takes on various forms throughout the movie, starting out as just smoke (exactly like LOST) but as he claims more victims he takes on a more human based form. For 1983 this thing looks amazing and still gave me a good scare in 2012.

The Tangerine Dream soundtrack is totally amazing! Although, apparently one of the reasons The Keep hasn't had a DVD release is down to those Tangerines Dreamers being involved in a copyrights debacle with the studio. I don't think Paramount are too bothered about The Keeps lack of DVD release to be honest. 

Did it make you think thoughts? Michael Mann's second picture is no B movie, it's really well made and as you'd expect looks extremely dynamic and interesting. Knowing the sort of director he is now and the films he's accustomed to making, looking back, The Keep really stands out as bizarre deviation from everything else he's ever made or been associated with. It wasn't successful and it's probably no coincidence that he's never felt the need to return to the fantasy horror genre!

I'm not surprised that this movie has carved a small, loyal following out there in cyber world, it smacks of a young artistic director with his first proper budget going wild with lights, creature effects and whacky camera angles. It's all great fun and as with all fantasy horror films goes completely bonkers three quarters of the way in! Confusing as hell; just lights and fog for the most part. Lol, it's a funny genre.

Would you watch it again? For sure! I hope it gets a blu ray release one day, I won't hold my breath though.

Rating (out of 100%): 69% Surprised it was this good actually. I don't know why I thought it wasn't going to be a proper film? In places it's bloody amazing, although it does descend into conventional lunacy towards the end. Worth checking out, but we're all glad Mann went on to better things.

Never Been Kissed (1999)

In 7 words or less: Bad clothes, jocks, prom and luuuuuuuuurve

What's it all About? Drew Barrymore (Josie Grossie) had a tough time at high school. Very much the archetypal 'nerd with braces', she was humiliated, picked on and ridiculed all the way to prom night where the high school heart throb pretended he would date her and then threw eggs at her from a limo. All together now..... Arrrrrrr! 

Now as an actual grown up (aged 25) and working as a reporter she is sent back to high school under cover to find out 'what kids are all about these days'. 

Flashbacks to her own time at school commence and she discovers many of the same characters are still alive and kicking and goes on a journey through similar experiences over coming them all to be crowned prom queen. Phew. 

She also discovers that high school is still a thriving breeding ground for true love only this time falling head over heels with her English teacher. A slightly weird situation arises where they flirt and look into each other's eyes a lot. It's sweet but hard not to think that bearing in mind he thinks she's 17, he's actually a massive pedo. They get together though and it's all lovely so you have to try and move beyond that.... Just try ok!  

Best bits? i enjoyed the oh so typical high school scenes - snogging at the lockers, the 'denominators' maths club skipping through the halls with their calculators, the kooky teacher who makes students wear a mexican hat for being late, the competition between jocks to eat the most coleslaw etc etc. I know it's over done and cliched but I lap it up. Plus it goes great with wine and chocs.  

Did it make you think thoughts? Yes, I thought the following: 'high school in america looks genuinely petrifying'. Yes I know it's a caricature, but it's got to be based on something real! All those clicks, the glossiness, the cars! No, no, no! I want kids on BMXs and in jumpers with holes in the sleeves please!

The film also plays into a nice fantasy that probably everyone has had once - 'what would I be like if I went back to high school now?' I'm sure after 29 years on the planet I must have a decent come back for 'alright big tits'.... Hmmm perhaps not. 

Would you watch it again? It's a wine o clock movie. Harmless silly fun. I would watch it again. I also LOVE Drew, it's a perfect role for her, this is how I like my Drew. Ben and I broke into a spontaneous dance during the end credits so it was either the feel good factor of the film or possibly the wine that gave us a pick me up. 

Rating (out of 100%): I'll give it a big brace face grinning 70%. What fun! I <3 you Drew! 

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

In 7 words or less: Here we go again muppet fans

What's it all About? Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo are reporters for a newspaper and when an English fashion designers gets her jewels stolen while in New York, our boys travel to London to solve the crime.

Best bits? Miss Piggy's song is ace. It's full of parody and tongue in cheek mockness. Piggy blowing bubbles out of her nose while underwater doing a synchronised swimming skit is priceless. The Peter Faulk cameo is a thing of genius. I guarantee not one single kid in the audience will understand the scene but it had me rolling around in stitches. In fact I just watched it again whilst writing this review. I'll tell you what. I'll stick it in here for your pleasure.



Did it make you think thoughts? It sure did. Unfortunately The Great Muppet Caper suffers like the vast majority of sequels. It just can't match the first installment. The writers try to keep things fresh by having the muppets play characters and appear in an actual story as opposed to just playing themselves. The problem here is that I'm a big fan of the muppets just being the muppets and doing muppety things. Fozzie telling bad jokes, Gonzo getting fired from a cannon, Piggy trying to get her trotters on Kermit, Animal bashing drums and chasing women, Dr Bunsen using Beaker as a science experiment, Dr Teeth rocking out and The Swedish Chef simply managing to be one of the funniest characters ever to appear on a tv screen. Ever.

I like gurrrls!

Also, the story takes ages to get going. The fact is, our guys are trying to solve a crime but this plot thread isn't really picked up until we get to the last 20 mins. The main guts of the flick are about our intrepid heroes bumbling adventures in London town.


Like the first muppet movie we get some cameos but they don't hold a candle to the previous ones with the exception of the aforementioned Faulk and a certain garbage dwelling grouch named Oscar. On a final note, although the songs aren't awful, again they can't match the quality of the dittys from 3 years previous.

Would you watch it again? It's The Muppets so of course I will.

Rating (out of 100%): This review may seem overly harsh but that's only because I am a massive fan. It is still watchable but just lacks certain things that I personally wanted to see. Others may find it just as good as the first outing. I give The Great Muppet Caper a disappointing 50%

The Muppet Movie (1979)

So, before The Chief finally gets around to finishing off Rocky season (IV, V & VI still to go) he enters the world of The Muppets. With 6 previous films as well as the new release, he'll have his hands full over the coming days with talking frogs, (un)funny bears and great gonzos (whatever he is)

In 7 words or less: Unlikely hand puppets wow kids & adults

What's it all About? This is essentially a muppets origin story. Kermitt leaves the swamp and goes on a cross country journey to Hollywood where he intends to become a star. Along the way he picks up Fozzie Bear, Gonzo the Great and Miss piggy, among others.


Best bits? The songs that feature in the movie are crackers and all have that sing-along element to them. There is a great scene when Kermitt and Fozzie meet Dr Teeth and his band,The Electric Mayhem. They rock out hard and we get a brain melting bit where they find a script of the movie they're in about the movie they're making of the movie......wtf?

Did it make you think thoughts? Hot damn I love me some muppets. This tongue-in-cheek, biographical account of how the muppets met and became friends is a classic example of the road movie genre. The tv show is a classic but operates in a very different format to a feature length film. I'm happy to say that the translation is a smooth one and works well.


The muppets were such big business in the 70's that stars were queueing up to get cameo roles in the tv show and this film. I mean come on, you've got Bob Hope, James Coburn, Elliot Gould, Orson Wells, Richard Pryor, and Big Bird. The highlights though are grabbed by Steve Martin's insolent waiter and Mel Brook's crazy German professor.

However good these cameos are though, they can't outshine the muppets themselves. Fozzie is a laugh riot, Piggy and Kermie share one of the silver screen's greatest romances and Dr Teeth wows everytime time he's on screen.



Would you watch it again? Definitely

Rating (out of 100%): Who'd have thought that a bunch of felt covered hand puppets from the 70's would be back in vogue some 35 years later. I give The Muppet Movie an inspirational, celebrational, muppitational 84%

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

In 7 words or less: Favreau wants to be Clint (and Ridley) 

What's it all About? Man (Daniel Craig) wakes up in the desert wearing a very fancy bangle, goes into town and meets every western stereotype you've ever seen. There's a bar owner called Doc with glasses who's a bit weedy (Sam Rockwell), his Sinorita wife, a man I genuinely mistook for Lee Marvin (and/or Sam Elliott - the former being dead an' all) and a mean spoilt brat who's daddy (Harrison Ford) owns the town. So far, so typical (if predictable) Western. And then, out of nowhere, and with no real reason, aliens appear. Noisy aliens with super speedy ships and lasers. In the Wild West. Fancy bangle turns out to be great at killing aliens. This should be the time to start whooping, right? Nope.

Best bits? The trailer. At a push, if I'm being kind...when the native americans turn up and the pretty girl (Olivia Wilde) turns out to be more than she seems.

Did it make you think thoughts? Why on Earth did Harrison Ford agree to do this? (and that dreadful 4th Indy movie)

For a film that should be a brilliant, camp romp of a movie, it is so unbelievably, brain itchingly,  DULL. It takes itself FAR too seriously and despite the cast, you don't warm to any character, nor care when the aliens start abducting them. I actually went and emptied the dishwasher and repacked it during this movie, it was so dull. I HATE packing the dishwasher.

I genuinely believe that Jon Favreau wants to be taking seriously with this film; the cowboy bits are beautifully shot with lovely expansive landscape scenes, sparse dialogue and conflicted anti-heroes (we never really establish whether Daniel Craig's character is for good or for ill) and the alien bits are straight out of Alien, including a creature that so resembles the creature in Ridley Scott's movie, that it even has tentacles that appear from an inner mouth - HR Giger should sue! AND YET... it's really, really very boring.

How can you name a movie called Cowboys & Aliens and make it dull!?

This is what I kept shouting at the TV throughout the film. It should be FUN, there should be an element of knowingness to the film, it should, quite frankly, be a ROMP.

I should like this film, after all I LOVE Clint Eastwood westerns - really, truly adore them. I could watch Outlaw Josie Wales on repeat. I even enjoyed A Perfect World and that has Kevin Costner in it and NOTHING happens in that movie.

I've tried to dissect exactly why it doesn't work and I think it's this: they were so impressed with themselves for coming up with the title, they forgot to write a film to go with it.

Would you watch it again? Not if had a choice.

Rating (out of 100%) 29% (I'm being kind)

Tower Heist (2011)

In 7 words or less: Comedians turn to crime = very few laughs

What's it all About? A load of working stiffs who hold down a variety of jobs in a flashy high rise tower block find out that they've been swindled out of their money by the building's owner. A group of these sad sack individuals decide to rob his penthouse apartment as payback.

Best bits? The car dangling scene was pretty tense but apart from that there isn't much to write home about.

Did it make you think thoughts? Wait a minute, was this supposed to be a comedy? Someone had told me that this was a return to form for my favourite 80's comedy actor, Eddie Murphy. They also said this was a great laugh fest with an intriguing story that rattled along at a great pace. When I remember who they are I will have words with them. Strong words. Bad words. In short the film is none of the above.

'We used to be funny man'

Ok, so Murphy is the best thing in the film and has a couple of choice one liners but overall it's just a boring flick that has cost me over 90 minutes of my life. Please try harder.

Would you watch it again? Nope.

Rating (out of 100%): Why oh why oh why did I get my hopes up for this? I give Tower Heist a dirty downtown 35%

The Insider (1999)

In 7 words or less: A man breaks his confidentiality agreement.

What's it all About? Lowell Bergman (Al Pacino) is a producer for the award winning American current affairs show '60 Minutes'. Jeffery Wigand (Russell Crowe) is a former research biologist for major tobacco company, Brown & Williamson, who at the beginning of the film is fired. Bergman smells that Wigand is withholding important information regarding his work at Brown & Williamson that would almost certainly fall under the realm of public interest. Although Wigand feels compelled to go on 60 Minutes and tell America what he knows, he is tragically mired by a confidentiality agreement he signed with his former company that prevents him discussing any of his work or research. What ensues is a corporate giants total deconstruction of Jeffery Wigand's life and a first hand account of the insurmountable pressure they place on him not to break his agreement. Based on a true story.

Best bits? Probably my favourite Michael Mann film as far as cinematography goes. The camera work is integral to the story in this film, it's cleverly used to build tension and highlight intense thought and critical focus points; I don't think I've ever seen a film where the camera gets this close to the actors grill. Scenes that really stand out are when Wigand goes to the driving range at night only to realise he's being followed by some corporate heavy and the scene where Bergman's on the beach, shouting down the phone at a hotel manager because he thinks Wigan might try to take his own life. 

Did it make you think thoughts? The story sounds so dull but in my opinion this is one of the most thrilling films ever made. Pacino and Crowe put in career defining performances for my money and were shockingly denied Oscars. It's such a captivating watch, every shot is fiendishly interesting and deeply immerses you into the film; this is clearly the culmination of a group of people operating in their absolute prime. It also really made me think about how insanely powerful corporations can be and how far their tentacles can spread into seemingly unrelated avenues. 

Would you watch it again? Absolutely! Why is this not out on Blu Ray yet? I watched it on Film 4HD which was stunning but probably just upscaled; I demand 1080p!

Rating (out of 100%): 96% Possibly Michael Mann's second best film. If you haven't seen it I implore you to check it out! Stunning.

The Perfect Score (2004)

In 7 words or less: The Breakfast clubs meets Oceans Eleven

What's it all About? A bunch of school kids band together to steal some test answers for their upcoming exams.

Best bits? Scarlett Johansson is hot, hot, hot. She's all kinds of indie chick, super cool, antiestablishment sexy.

Did it make you think thoughts? It's amazing how standardised films can be. Can you guess the characters that involved in the group? Yes, that's right, we've got the jock, the brain, the loser, the hard working hero and the mysterious femme fatale. Overall it's an ok teen heist movie that I probably would have enjoyed a lot more 10-15 years ago.

Would you watch it again? It's not a stinker by any means but not that standoutable either.

Rating (out of 100%): An ok modern teen flick, I give The Perfect Score a less than perfect 50%

Melancholia (2011)

In 7 words or less: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

What's it all About? Kirsten Dunst is getting married in a sweet mansion owned by her sister's husband (Kiefer Sutherland). Everything seems pretty much perfect but seeing as this is a Lars Von Trier joint then you know that something weird is lurking beneath the surface. It becomes apparent quite early on that Dunst has a few issues with depression and is struggling to cope with the big day. On top of that her mum is clearly deranged and her Dad (sweetly played by John Hurt) is very keen to get away from the situation when she needs him most. It's left to her long suffering sister Claire to keep on top of things.

The film is in two parts, the first titled 'Justine' (after Dunst's character), which takes place on the evening of the wedding and the second 'Claire', Justine's sister (played by Charlotte Gainsbourg, who returns for another helping after her terrifying ordeal in Antichrist) which gives us the epic and jaw dropping apocalypse scenes.

Best bits? This whole film is really stunning, some of the slo-mo outdoor scenes are shot so beautifully, they almost look like a high-end fashion photoshoot. Kirsten Dunst really is outstanding as she slowly reveals how serious her problems are, and she is supported by an excellent cast. The final scenes are just mind bending, just like Antichrist, you get this claustrophobic feeling of never leaving this one location, then the claustrophobia is heightened because as Melancholia approaches earth, there really is nowhere to hide or escape.

Did it make you think thoughts? Lars Von Trier has been around for ages but is slowly becoming one of my favourite film makers. There's no one else quite like him out there. This has been touted as a good companion piece/double bill for Terrence Malick's 'Tree of Life', both are stunning but I definitely preferred this. It also has obvious comparisons to 'Another Earth' (a big bloody planet in the sky) but the tone is also strangley similar.

Would you watch it again? Definitley. Well done Lars.

Rating (out of 100%): 90% Watch it or you'll be melancholy-a

Tropic Thunder (2008)

In 7 words or less: Dumb actors make war flick.

What's it all About? A group of actors making a massive, block bustin' Vietnam war film get sent into the jungle by their director to capture some realistic 'on the fly' footage. It all goes a bit wrong when they get mixed up with some vicious, poppy field ploughing, drug smuggling, gun tooting Southeast Asians. But get this.... They all think it's part of the movie, LOL. Watch Three Amigos instead.

Best bits? Oh man, there are of course some funny moments but no where near as many as there should have been. Tom Cruise's cameo is funny and Matthew McConaughey as a film agent who's obsessively trying to get TiVo installed for his client is also amusing, but the main players, Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr in my opinion seriously miss their mark.

Did it make you think thoughts? The fake trailers at the beginning are probably better than the actual film and only re-emphisises the point that 'quirky ideas' don't always need to be made into feature films. The gags for those fake films work for their 2 minute slots and nothing more; kind of like Tropic Thunder.

The joke just doesn't stand up for the whole movie, it's not as clever as it thinks it is, in fact it's really quite embarrassing. Some of the scenes feel like something from a middle school drama production where everyone shouts over each other trying to get their line out first. No, I don't mind any of these actors but this film is just a big mess. I can imagine all of the studio executives and actors congratulating themselves for coming up with such a 'wacky' concept too... Grrrr! Three Amigos forever!

Would you watch it again? I've seen it twice now and can't imagine ever going back in.

Rating (out of 100%): 39% There are one or two really funny scenes but for the most part this a big cringe fest.