Cutthroat Island (1995)

In 7 words or less: Go watch Pirates of The Carribean instead

What's it all About? Something about a treasure map which leads to a big pile of booty. Original I know. Oh yeah, there's a bad guy (Langella) out to get our heroine pirate captain (Davis) and the obligatory rogue who joins her side (Modine). Yawn.

Best bits? Um, yeah, right, there's this film see, about pirates and um, they do stuff..... I think. Kill me.

You're laughing now Geena but wait until you get to the end of this review

Did it make you think thoughts? I had heard rumours that this was a bit of a turkey but went in with a clear unbiased frame of mind........Wow Betty! Sometimes it pays to listen to others.

Ok, so how come there was a fairly large gap between this film and the next big pirate movie to hit the silver screen?- a.k.a, Of The Caribbean. Well, Cutthroat Island was a big part of that. It's critical and more importantly it's worldwide box office failure made studios sit up and say, 'pirate movies sure do suck' and that was that. 

This sucky film cost $98 million and only grossed $10 million at the US box office making it one of the biggest flops in movie history. It also ruined the career of Geena Davis.

They made a video game of this travesty? Oh dear

Throughout I was amazed at some of the worst casting I've ever seen. Davis is so out of place as the central pirate captain, the excellent Langella is anything but excellent and Modine makes me shiver....me timbers. Throw in a horrific script and you a film so bad it makes you wonder how it ever got green lit for production. 

Would you watch it again? Absolutely no way.

Rating (out of 100%): I like bad movies. There's something about a good old crapfest of a movie that makes me chuckle. This film is all the way bad and manages to bypass any enjoyment centre of the brain. Avoid like the black plague. I give Cutthroat Island a 'Could this be one of the top 5 worst films of all-time?' 4%